Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The Absolute Very Best Most Awesome Movies of 2009

Before we get started let me just point out what you won't see. There will be no numerical scores or star count because they don't really matter, at least not here, these are just the movies I liked and that you should've watched. I also won't write any kind of worst list, mostly because I don't watch enough shitty movies but I will say this... A Haunting in Connecticut can go fuck itself.

5 Movies Worth Mentioning...

These are films that didn't make it to my Top of '09 list, some of them are great, some of them are just merely okay, and one of them i
s just plain bugfuckey but at least they're all more interesting than Avatar.
Harry Brown - I can finally say that in my lifetime I have seen a film in which Michael Caine goes around busting caps in chavs. This oddly symmetrical movie is like a throwback to the black and white politics of the 80s. The gang members are all young sick sociopaths, the cops are all idiots, and Michael Caine is the only guy bad ass enough to dish out some elderly justice. The quiet earlier scenes showcase Caine in nice character moments but once it becomes a revenge fantasy the movie takes a bit of a dive. Harry Brown easily has one the most harrowing and shocking openings to a movie I've ever seen. Also, Michael Caine shoots a pedophile in the face, not many movies can deliver on that.


The Cove - A well-edited and finely tuned piece of dolphin propaganda. The Cove does more for animal rights than annoying PETA supporters. It isn't the best documentary of 2009 but it definitely deserves your attention.

Antichrist - It's damn near impossible to put my thoughts on this movie into words but I'll try my best. I'm almost positive that Lars Von Trier's latest film is not even a film, it's just some kind of cruel joke to anyone who dares subject themselves to it. Warping woods, birthing deers, raining nuts, and talking foxes, the movie is like somebody's personal nightmare put onto film. I wasn't amazed by Antichrist but I sure was....something. Fuck, this movie is weird.

Moon - I wasn't taken with Duncan Jones' Moon but I can appreciate the effort to do something a little more with the sci-fi genre. Actually my problem with the film is that it wasn't as quiet, thoughtful and introspective as I expected it to be. Still, Moon is a breath of fresh air in a genre filled with overcooked special effects. The film is worth noting for its minimalist style, excellent production design and boatloads of atmosphere. And not to forget the most important part, an excellent performance by Sam Rockwell.


The Messenger - At times Oren Moverman's directorial debut plays just like a series of heart-wrenching scenes. While The Hurt Locker is the best movie about the Iraq war, The Messenger comes in at a close second focusing on the homefront. Emotionally honest and deeply effecting without ever becoming preachy, the film is damn near great with good performances abound. Woody Harrelson continues on his hot streak, from the redneck in Zombieland, the conspiracy theorist in 2012, and now the hardened gulf war vet in The Messenger he deserves a supporting actor nom.

My Top 15 Movies of 2009

I
'll keep it short and sweet, don't want to waste your time with a whole bunch of filler, so here be some movies. 15. Trick r Treat - Nothing makes a genre fan happier than seeing a genre film done well. Trick r Treat brings back the 80s sense of camp and fun to the horror genre. It should be a damn tradition for watch this every Halloween.

14. Gomorrah - It didn't hit me until about the 80 minute mark that I realized I was watching one of the best crime films ever made. Gomorrah strips away all the glamor, glory, and appeal of crime life. In most mob/mafia films, the audience looks forward to the hits or assassination scenes but you dread any time the violence comes about in Gomorrah and when it comes it is swift, fast, brutal, and usually to those least deserving.

13. Public Enemies - It wasn't quite the Heat 2 Michael Mann fans were expecting it to be but it is what Mann does best, criminals with guns who shoot at the cops coming after them. I can bitch about the digital photography or Mann's penchant for mumbling but I won't. What strikes me most about Public Enemies is that John Dillinger or Johnny Depp as John Dillinger is the least Mann-ish character of all his films, most of Mann's men are men of order, with their own code, trying to make something of their lives, but Depp's Dillinger is man looking for no escape, he just wants to have fun doing something he's good at. But at the very least Public Enemies gave us a bad ass supporting role from Stephen Lang as one of Bale's g-men, he's even in the last scene of the movie.

12. Where the Wild Things Are - I think I'm just glad that Spike Jonze didn't make Hipster: The Movie. This is without a doubt Jonze's most personal film but it isn't his best. Quiet and visually striking, Where the Wild Things Are is one incredible piece of esoteric work.

11. Observe and Report - A fucking dark comedy masterpiece plain and simple. Everything about this movie is right, it's mean spirit, Michael Pena, Ronnie's lack of self-awareness, it's 86 minutes of perfection.

10. Watchmen - A great piece of visual art, through and through. Dawn of the Dead and 300 were decent enough pieces of entertainment with no re-watch value but with Watchmen Zack Synder has made a film I can watch over and over again. Those of you wondering about the various cuts of the film, the original theatrical version is the best-edited, best paced and shortest version of the movie, you can live with that one. Stay away from the clunky director's cut and for those brave enough, the Ultimate Cut is the best version of Watchmen, a three hour and thirty-five minute behemoth, it's best to think of the Ultimate Cut as a two-part miniseries, as a whole even I'll admit, it's a little daunting.

9. Up - Pixar's best film. I'm not sure what else there is to say about Up, if you're not won over by the first 10 minutes, something is wrong with you, like seriously.

8. The Hurt Locker - Easily more tense and terrifying than any horror film in at least the last 5 years. Few movies can put you exactly in a character's place but Kathryn Bigelow places you right in the war, you are just as paranoid and on edge as these men. The Hurt Locker is a movie that doesn't make you feel safe while you're watching it, and it's a damn good feeling.

7. In the Loop - Endlessly quotable and hilarious, In the Loop is a political comedy that doesn't lose it's head up it's own ass. You'll come away from the film realizing that Peter Capaldi (on the left) is a verbal bad ass.

6. Bronson - Bronson and that's the movie not the character, is like one big ball of frustrated rage and anger. It is a furious film that just knocks you off your ass. It also easily has the best soundtrack for any film of 2009.

5. Food, Inc. - Food Inc. is an enlightening and horrifying experience. It's damn near impossible to be not affected by it. Eye-opening and challenging, this is one of the best documentaries ever made.

4. Inglourious Basterds - Film-making at its finest. It's all here, everything that defines Tarantino and then some. Christoph Waltz's oscar-worthy turn as the villain, Pitt having as much fun as he can, and some good use of David Bowie. This is a great fucking movie.

3. The Brothers Bloom - Rian Johnson had already won me over with his directorial debut Brick. Fortunately he doesn't succumb to the sophomore slump in film-making. Fun and quirky without ever being annoying, this is the kind of movie Wes Anderson wishes he could make. This movie is nothing but pure goodness.

2. Sin Nombre - Beautiful, brutal, and powerful Sin Nombre works on every level. If you need to see one absolutely depressing foreign film this year let it be this one.

1. World's Greatest Dad - Yes, it's that fucking good.