The Absolute Very Best Most Awesome Movies of 2009

Before we get started let me just point out what you won't see. There will be no numerical scores or star count because they don't really matter, at least not here, these are just the movies I liked and that you should've watched. I also won't write any kind of worst list, mostly because I don't watch enough shitty movies but I will say this... A Haunting in Connecticut can go fuck itself.

5 Movies Worth Mentioning...
These are films that didn't make it to my Top of '09 list, some of them are great, some of them are just merely okay, and one of them is just plain bugfuckey but at least they're all more interesting than Avatar.
Harry Brown - I can finally say that in my lifetime I have seen a film in which Michael Caine goes around busting caps in chavs. This oddly symmetrical movie is like a throwback to the black and white politics of the 80s. The gang members are all young sick sociopaths, the cops are all idiots, and Michael Caine is the only guy bad ass enough to dish out some elderly justice. The quiet earlier scenes showcase Caine in nice character moments but once it becomes a revenge fantasy the movie takes a bit of a dive. Harry Brown easily has one the most harrowing and shocking openings to a movie I've ever seen. Also, Michael Caine shoots a pedophile in the face, not many movies can deliver on that.


The Cove - A well-edited and finely tuned piece of dolphin propaganda. The Cove does more for animal rights than annoying PETA supporters. It isn't the best documentary of 2009 but it definitely deserves your attention.

Antichrist - It's damn near impossible to put my thoughts on this movie into words but I'll try my best. I'm almost positive that Lars Von Trier's latest film is not even a film, it's just some kind of cruel joke to anyone who dares subject themselves to it. Warping woods, birthing deers, raining nuts, and talking foxes, the movie is like somebody's personal nightmare put onto film. I wasn't amazed by Antichrist but I sure was....something. Fuck, this movie is weird.

Moon - I wasn't taken with Duncan Jones' Moon but I can appreciate the effort to do something a little more with the sci-fi genre. Actually my problem with the film is that it wasn't as quiet, thoughtful and introspective as I expected it to be. Still, Moon is a breath of fresh air in a genre filled with overcooked special effects. The film is worth noting for its minimalist style, excellent production design and boatloads of atmosphere. And not to forget the most important part, an excellent performance by Sam Rockwell.


The Messenger - At times Oren Moverman's directorial debut plays just like a series of heart-wrenching scenes. While The Hurt Locker is the best movie about the Iraq war, The Messenger comes in at a close second focusing on the homefront. Emotionally honest and deeply effecting without ever becoming preachy, the film is damn near great with good performances abound. Woody Harrelson continues on his hot streak, from the redneck in Zombieland, the conspiracy theorist in 2012, and now the hardened gulf war vet in The Messenger he deserves a supporting actor nom.

My Top 15 Movies of 2009
I'll keep it short and sweet, don't want to waste your time with a whole bunch of filler, so here be some movies. 15. Trick r Treat - Nothing makes a genre fan happier than seeing a genre film done well. Trick r Treat brings back the 80s sense of camp and fun to the horror genre. It should be a damn tradition for watch this every Halloween.

14. Gomorrah - It didn't hit me until about the 80 minute mark that I realized I was watching one of the best crime films ever made. Gomorrah strips away all the glamor, glory, and appeal of crime life. In most mob/mafia films, the audience looks forward to the hits or assassination scenes but you dread any time the violence comes about in Gomorrah and when it comes it is swift, fast, brutal, and usually to those least deserving.

13. Public Enemies - It wasn't quite the Heat 2 Michael Mann fans were expecting it to be but it is what Mann does best, criminals with guns who shoot at the cops coming after them. I can bitch about the digital photography or Mann's penchant for mumbling but I won't. What strikes me most about Public Enemies is that John Dillinger or Johnny Depp as John Dillinger is the least Mann-ish character of all his films, most of Mann's men are men of order, with their own code, trying to make something of their lives, but Depp's Dillinger is man looking for no escape, he just wants to have fun doing something he's good at. But at the very least Public Enemies gave us a bad ass supporting role from Stephen Lang as one of Bale's g-men, he's even in the last scene of the movie.

12. Where the Wild Things Are - I think I'm just glad that Spike Jonze didn't make Hipster: The Movie. This is without a doubt Jonze's most personal film but it isn't his best. Quiet and visually striking, Where the Wild Things Are is one incredible piece of esoteric work.

11. Observe and Report - A fucking dark comedy masterpiece plain and simple. Everything about this movie is right, it's mean spirit, Michael Pena, Ronnie's lack of self-awareness, it's 86 minutes of perfection.

10. Watchmen - A great piece of visual art, through and through. Dawn of the Dead and 300 were decent enough pieces of entertainment with no re-watch value but with Watchmen Zack Synder has made a film I can watch over and over again. Those of you wondering about the various cuts of the film, the original theatrical version is the best-edited, best paced and shortest version of the movie, you can live with that one. Stay away from the clunky director's cut and for those brave enough, the Ultimate Cut is the best version of Watchmen, a three hour and thirty-five minute behemoth, it's best to think of the Ultimate Cut as a two-part miniseries, as a whole even I'll admit, it's a little daunting.

9. Up - Pixar's best film. I'm not sure what else there is to say about Up, if you're not won over by the first 10 minutes, something is wrong with you, like seriously.

8. The Hurt Locker - Easily more tense and terrifying than any horror film in at least the last 5 years. Few movies can put you exactly in a character's place but Kathryn Bigelow places you right in the war, you are just as paranoid and on edge as these men. The Hurt Locker is a movie that doesn't make you feel safe while you're watching it, and it's a damn good feeling.

7. In the Loop - Endlessly quotable and hilarious, In the Loop is a political comedy that doesn't lose it's head up it's own ass. You'll come away from the film realizing that Peter Capaldi (on the left) is a verbal bad ass.

6. Bronson - Bronson and that's the movie not the character, is like one big ball of frustrated rage and anger. It is a furious film that just knocks you off your ass. It also easily has the best soundtrack for any film of 2009.

5. Food, Inc. - Food Inc. is an enlightening and horrifying experience. It's damn near impossible to be not affected by it. Eye-opening and challenging, this is one of the best documentaries ever made.

4. Inglourious Basterds - Film-making at its finest. It's all here, everything that defines Tarantino and then some. Christoph Waltz's oscar-worthy turn as the villain, Pitt having as much fun as he can, and some good use of David Bowie. This is a great fucking movie.

3. The Brothers Bloom - Rian Johnson had already won me over with his directorial debut Brick. Fortunately he doesn't succumb to the sophomore slump in film-making. Fun and quirky without ever being annoying, this is the kind of movie Wes Anderson wishes he could make. This movie is nothing but pure goodness.

2. Sin Nombre - Beautiful, brutal, and powerful Sin Nombre works on every level. If you need to see one absolutely depressing foreign film this year let it be this one.

1. World's Greatest Dad - Yes, it's that fucking good.

Avatar backlash bullshit?

James Cameron's Avatar trailer has hit the internet and hey, doesn't look half bad. Unfortunately everyone is too eager to crap on the movie for not meeting their overblown expectations but to be fair there has been an excessive amount of hype from both sides. Anyone who expected their minds to be blown, for Avatar to take them places they've never been before, or transcend whatever, let go. The movie will be good for what Cameron did/does best, blockbuster entertainment, and for those who really don't know, it's basically going to be Dances with Wolves in space. If you really want a movie to be something different, something beyond convention, you won't find it in Cameron's expensive VFX-fest, you'll find it quieter, subtler films like Moon and Solaris (I'm just trying to put it in the geek-sci-fi perspective). It's a good looking popcorn film but not much else and that's okay.

Just for fun...

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

I'll admit it, I'm a Stephen Sommers fan, well, early Stephen Sommers at least. Deep Rising and The Mummy are two of the most entertaining movies of the 90s, hell I even liked his version of the Jungle Book starring that guy from Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go to College.

G.I. Joe doesn't quite reach the "just-plain-damn-fun" heights of his first films but it comes pretty damn close and it is quite the accomplishment after the migraine-inducing Van Helsing. We've unforutnately experienced a summer of poop, after the disappointing Terminator: Salvation and the insultingly aggrevating Transformers 2, G.I. Joe is a actually a breath of fresh air in that it is a mindless actioner that actually delivers on it's simple promise.

You already know that plot doesn't matter in a film like this, so we have characters to rely on. Both the good guys and bad guys (the film isn't even boiled down to this idea, IT IS this basic concept) are filled with some great actors who (in a stroke of genius) take their roles with the utmost seriousness. It is also why the movie works so well, all the ridiculousness is played straight, there is no need for winking at the audience.



During one of the film's many flashbacks, Duke (Channing Tatum) arrives at a funeral in a motorcycle and sunglasses, not only does this establish Duke as a douche for going to a funeral in a fucking motorcycle but he's wearing his sunglasses in the rain, only to promptly take them off when he arrives. It's such a stupid, goofy, awesome moment in the film.



The entire cast looks like they're having fun, not a single performer is slumming it, and no one looks embarrassed to be in the film. Stand outs include, Christoper Eccleston who overpronounces every word as a egotistical arms dealer. Arnold Vosloo (The Mummy, duh) steals scenes as the oozingly slimy Zartan. As Cobra Commander, Joseph Gordon-Levitt is unrecognizable, clanking around with a James Earl Jones-ish voice devouring scenery left and right.

The action scenes work and aren't quite the mess that most modern action films adhere to. With the highlight being the Paris set-piece, remember those stupid suits in the trailer, well, they somehow are far more acceptable in context but still look goofy as hell. Another reason the action scenes should be commended is that all the characters are given something to do, with everyone getting their own "HOLY COOL!" moments. Rachel Nichols walks away from the film with one of the best kills. Oh yeah, The Rise of Cobra has many "how did they get away with that?" moments too.

It's a little upsetting how rare it is to find a blockbuster that fully achieves its aspirations no matter how little they are. Rarely do these "popcorn" movies actually do their job, but thankfully G.I. Joe is an exception, it's Sommers channeling every childish dream while working in some of his own James Bond fantasies. It's quick paced, all kinds of fun and you won't feel bad after watching it.

MEXICAN MOVIE POSTER RAMPAGE PART II

Part II in an ongoing series celebrating the art of cheaply drawn Mexican movie posters. Taken directly from the www.antiqbook.com catalog. Beware, this one is huge (at least by my standards).



Death in the Rio Grande - You wish you had a name as cool as Jorge Luke. I'm positive those guys on the right are just doing their version of Excitebike Live.



Three something - I guess someone decided to half-ass that brick wall behind them. Does the red truck on the left have hydraulics or something?



I like how Jose Jose's double name drips down to frame his cheesy ass. I can't respect a guy with two of the same goddamn name.



A big part of me wishes his hair was real.



At first I thought this guy was ready to spear an anchor. Who the hell goes shark hunting in a shitty little boat like that? This guy deserves to be eaten by the anchor shark.



Only mexicans would think they'd be able to outrun a freaking jet plane. That or they're trying to outrun the piss-yellow portal of doom.



Ho-Ly Shit.



The tag-line implies there is going to be "forms of exotic vengeance". My guess is that third guy is trying to take a shit. Seriously, one of those people doesn't belong.



...



Actually, this one is kinda cool.



The grandfather has a plan? - Looks like that creepy old guy is about to fist the guy cowering in his bed. Bow down before the Old Man's fist!



I guess to be a superhero in Mexico all you need to do is to put your cap lower.



I don't get it, the helicopter is flying into that man's crotch.



The Bricklayer - His face says it all. And is that a fucking zombie on the right?



Nothing can prepare you for the badassery of ALTO PODER.



He has a crossbow, you don't, he wins.



Is the selling point of this movie really a guy with a leather jacket and sunglasses?



If there were anyone to protect Tijuana, it would definitely be Mario Almada.



This movie better have a scene were a guy fights newspapers.



Is this a Bond film?



Pretty much what all mexican comedies look like. I can't tell if the paint can is screaming or not.



See kids? This is what happens when you're a boxer, you get all your teeth knocked out.



Trying to exorcise a horse is about the stupidest idea anyone has ever had.



I'd be screaming too if I were stuck trying to run from the big gay truck.

Until next time. I hope you have enjoyed this latest installment of MEXICAN MOVIE POSTER RAMPAGE.

MEXICAN MOVIE POSTER RAMPAGE!

I proudly present to you a series of amazing movie posters for historic pieces of Mexican Cinema. Directly from www.antiqbook.com these posters perfectly represent why the drawn poster is so much better than the pieces of photoshop shit we've been force fed (Need an example, just look up the recent Watchmen posters). What I do know, is that none of these movies are even a quarter as good as their own posters.



Carro Rojo (Red Car) - Not much to see here other than this is how all Mexican action movies are sold. Check out the latino James Dean just under our hero's cheek. We can also see the tradition in Mexican action movie posters that must always feature a helicopter somewhere in the poster.



I'm gonna go ahead and quit on the title thing, you can look it up yourself. Carrera Contra La Muerte features action superstar Mario Almada (you'll be seeing a lot of him in this series). Poster Highlight: Evel Knievel decided to show up literally in the middle of the poster.



I'll take a badly drawn poster over a badly photoshopped one any day. Not only does Encounter with Death (I've decided to translate the ones I know) feature Mario Almada but also his brother Fernando Almada. Two Alamdas for the price of one! I guess someone forgot to color the lady at the bottom. No helicopters in this one but there is a plane, close enough I guess.



The Law of the Streets - Mullet, motorcycle, denim jacket, and chain nunchucks. Nothing says exciting like an argument above a pool table.



The Bionic Macho? I have no idea what's going on here. But I do get Lite-Brite vibes.



A Thousand Miles South? Hell yes, Helicopter! The most interesting part of this poster is Jesus crying on the left side.

That's all I have the time for now. Look for a new installment in the near future. Thanks for enjoying!